If Your Child Doesn’t Make the Team
- Apr 6
- 3 min read
It’s one of the hardest messages to receive.
The roster is posted.
Your child’s name isn’t there.
Recently, we were there.
When the initial decision came through that our son hadn’t made the Dallas Cup roster, he was crushed.
He was sad.
He was angry.
He felt it wasn’t fair.
He believed he hadn’t even been evaluated in the position he actually wanted to play. His natural position had gone to bigger players and players with specific strengths — and he felt stuck defending, a role he had asked repeatedly not to play.
For an 11‑year‑old, that feels heavy.
First: Acknowledge the Hurt
Before anything else, I told him:
“I understand. I thought you might make it too. There were so many talented players. It was tough competition.”
Not to soften reality.
Not to criticize the coach.
But to validate the feeling.
Disappointment needs acknowledgment before it can become growth.
Encourage Direct Communication
The next step wasn’t for me to call the coach.
It was for him to reach out.
He had questions, and instead of carrying them quietly, he sent the coach a text. Nothing dramatic. Just asking for clarity.
The coach responded and followed up in person at the next practice. He explained his thinking, the positional decisions, and how he saw the roster coming together.
It wasn’t a heated exchange.
It was a conversation.
And that matters.
Confidence grows when kids learn they can ask questions respectfully — and receive answers.
When You Make the Team — and Still Don’t Play
The first game, he didn’t play at all.
He was the only one.
Even players added later saw minutes.
That was new for him.
I told him:
“It’s okay. This is a learning experience — for you and for us. Now we understand what it feels like for the players who don’t get to play.”
Perspective doesn’t remove frustration.
But it steadies it.
The next game, he prepared again.
He wasn’t sure he’d play.
But when he did, he made the most of it.
By the final game, he started both halves.
And yes — that felt good.
But there were other boys who didn’t get minutes in that last match.
And it hurt for them.
This is the part of youth sports that’s hardest to explain.
It’s growth.
And it’s tough.
What This Teaches
Not making a team — or not playing — is not a final statement.
It’s information.
The question becomes:
What can you improve?
What can you learn?
What will you do with it?
That’s where ownership lives.
When a coach gives something to work on, it becomes a challenge instead of a verdict.
What Not To Do
When your child doesn’t make the team, or doesn’t play:
Don’t escalate immediately.
Don’t attack the decision.
Don’t solve it for them.
Guide them.
Support them.
Encourage them to speak.
Confidence grows when kids handle conversations respectfully — even uncomfortable ones.
There will be teams they make.
Teams they don’t.
Moments they start.
Moments they sit.
Unfortunately, that’s part of growth.
And at 11 years old, it’s not always easy.
Our role isn’t to remove the hills.
It’s to help them climb them — steadily, honestly, and with ownership.
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